This morning I drove in the rain. Which may not seem like a big deal to some…but when you live in these parts rain isn’t always a given. With each rain drop that hit the windshield, I easily found a reason to give thanks. Not too many months ago, we were concerned about needing to move some cows due to the lack of rain. We received enough rain to make it through summer, but before we knew it, we were back in the same boat – except even more dry. So this week of rain and this day of non-stop rain was a blessing ten-fold. We received nearly four inches of rain. {For those like me who used to reside in the more southern part of the state, four inches was easily one little rain. I thought rain was always measured in inches, but I’ve since come to learn that it’s often measured in tenths of an inch out west. Who knew..}
Anyways, as I was remembering what it was like to drive in pouring down rain, I couldn’t help but think that sometimes God waits to the last minute to intervene. He always does rescue (though maybe not always like we saw). And He is always present. Yet there are times where He stretches us. Times when we can’t understand what He is doing or why He is allowing something to happen. Or maybe just times when He tests our faith. But He always provides.
This rain was like balm to my soul. Maybe because it so physically depicted an issue of the heart. The reminder and joy that even when it seems like we are stretched to the tenth degree, He is present. He is working. He will provide. The rain comes – no matter how long the season.
You see, because I have been in a particularly hard season. A season of unexpected and unfulfilled longing. Unexpected in both the good and the hard. Scary at times. A season of loss and yet a season of joy. A season of immense growth and learning. With the pitter patter of the rain, I reflected on all the ways God had provided for us this last year. And I had quite possibly the sweetest revelation. God had not yet answered all of our prayers – there is still very much a cry of our heart – and yet I realized He had answered our prayers in the best way possible. He had answered with more of Himself. He answered my longing and my brokenness with MORE OF HIM. The very thing my soul needed. The very thing my soul was created for. And the very thing I often don’t realize how much and how deeply I need of Him. And it was my brokenness, my suffering that drove me to this sweet place. In my hurt, I found more of Him. Could that not be the answer to all of the prayers I had prayed?
And I think that was His heart in all of this all along. To find – to be given – more of Him.
There are times when my heart still hurts. Times when I long greatly for the answer of prayer. Times when I wish it wasn’t hard. Those emotions or desires didn’t fully disappear. But more often there are times of peace. Strength from quietness and rest. Trust in knowing He has a plan. Confidence in His provision of seeing the thousand ways He has provided in even small things. Joy in knowing the ultimate best for our life is His plan. Rest knowing I can keep my hands open. He will not abandon me. He will fulfill His purpose on me. He has lavished His steadfast love on me. And even if not, it is ok because our deepest desire has been met and satisfied IN HIM.
He is all we know to be good.
Isn’t that Jesus to redeem brokenness and bring beauty from pain.