written February 2015
Today we popped open a champagne bottle. It’s no special day other than the fact that there is snow on the ground. This has been a wintry week filled with ice and snow. And yesterday we finally got pure white, powdery snow. Something about the stuff makes you turn into a kid again. It’s utterly delightful.
And so today, we are stuck at home. The snow turned to more ice and the roads are back to being slick again. I was panicked at first at the thought of being trapped inside again. But you know what – I love how Jesus knows what we need. It’s become a day of rest. A day of delight. A day of celebrating – celebrating the little things. Celebrating the ordinary. Some times it takes snow to fall (in Texas) for me to realize the beautiful of today. This gift we are living.
Today is a gift. Today is an opportunity for joy. And today is filled with a thousand gifts – just waiting for me to open them. I wonder how many gifts I glance over. How many I complain about. How skewed and different my perspective from my Creator’s.
You see, my life is full of a whole lot of uncertain. I’m in my 20’s, and while I’m only half-way through this decade, there are days I’m convinced that it’s nearly over, that I’m behind, that I sure better figure this out before I reach 30. What if this doesn’t happen?….What if this does happen? And a thousand other questions from my pondering heart.
I’m not naïve enough to think I’m the only one with a whole lot of uncertainties. Everyone around me does too. Some faced with more daunting uncertainties than mine. We think our 20’s are more filled with uncertainties than other times in our life, but I guess the plain truth is that every stage of life has its own uncertainties. Every day of life is uncertain. We always think the grass is greener on the other side. Each stage has its own longing.
And yet we are given the gift of today. TODAY. What will we do with it? A breath, a glimpse in time, a drop in eternity that we don’t get back. It’s all of the today’s that lead to a future and all of the today’s that make up a life. In it’s the little steps the little choices that make a life. Choose JOY. Choose LIFE.
I’ve been wrestling with a whole lot of uncertainties. Grumbling and complaining filling my lips more than praise. Wholeheartedly attempting to trust Jesus while not realizing my hands were still white-knuckled around the steering will of my own life. I’ve always thought that I could see things differently, that maybe just maybe my perspective might be better. If I had a dollar for every time I’d offered a suggestion to my own earthly father rather than just following his instruction the first time. Or trusting that he knew what he was doing. I can’t say it’s been any different with my Heavenly Father. Not sure why we think we always know best. This isn’t the way I would do it, Lord. And why do we have to walk through this? And what if you are calling me to walk through pain. Jesus, with all my heart I want what you want, but please don’t take this from me. Please don’t make me walk through this.
I can assuredly say this with all my heart, He knows BEST. Period. His way his best. His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8). JESUS IS BETTER.
I’ve always struggled with fear from the time I was itty bitty. Primarily, the fear of loss. I’ve never really doubted that God was good. But I also knew He was sovereign. And sometimes sovereign meant that hard things happened that I couldn’t wrap my mind around. That even though God was good, that didn’t mean my life would always be good or that it would be easy. And that is true. But O may we never lose sight of the fact that we can TRUST Him – in the good times and the hard times.
Just recently, I’ve wrestled with bouts of fear and anxiety spurred from uncertainties and fears of loss. Broken and pouring my heart out to Jesus the only way I knew how, I couldn’t get the brick-like feeling in my stomach to go away. I worried, I fretted, I over-analyzed. I could physically feel it in my body. It revealed itself in different ways, over different things. The more anxious I was – the more I was unable to move. Totally ineffective to accomplish anything above myself. I once heard someone say “If the devil was going to render you ineffective, what tactic would he use for you? Know that. Be prepared.” And mine is worry. An obsession of uncertainties.
I kept questioning why if I was earnestly seeking Jesus would this feeling of anxiety not go away. I was trusting Him, wasn’t I? It wasn’t until I heard sweet words of wisdom from that dear Momma of mine that it began to click– “Trust and fear can’t coincide.” Then I was reminded from another friend “perfect love drives out fear.” The anxiety was still present because I wasn’t really trusting. I wanted to trust but I had yet to let go. My mind was still operating in worry and trying to figure things out. I was still trying to control – all things out of my control.
A divine appointment with Jesus made it all make sense. The only word I had been able to hear was “Surrender.” And I wasn’t quite sure what that meant or what I was supposed to surrender. I had no real clarity. And then Jesus in His perfect timing revealed that surrender meant letting go – letting go of my fears and opening my hands to His best. To live in knowing that His best was better than my dreamed up plan. And if these fears did come to be, I would still be ok. I could move forward without fear of the future. After all, He had ordained every day for me before one of them came to be. He knew, He knows. I can trust Him. And so I surrendered – a lot. And peace filled me in the sweetest, most soothing way possible.
Every day presents a choice. Since that revelation, there are not any less uncertainties today. In fact, there’s probably more. I don’t know the future. But I do know the one that holds the future. And because of that my heart is at ease. The things that are on my radar, are also on His.
So today we celebrate the Lord’s provision for this day. His grace on grace in this moment. Resting in the security of knowing Jesus. Confident that the gifts of today lead to the joys of tomorrow.
Today I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life that it may go well with you. Deuteronomy 30:19-20